Saturday, May 28

all together

missing, broken, inherited,

Everything I own is now together in one place for the first time in 8 years, and it's only the things I want-everything has been purged carefully. No more high school and college junk, only the letters Jessica and I wrote to each other since middle school, notebooks from my favorite classes, only the clothes I'll actually wear again, not the ones that were my favorites when I was 18 and have no place to wear now. ( though I am pretty satisfied with my fashion as a teenager that I can still wear alot of my clothes from high school and college- I created my own personal thrift store).

Ok, there's some boxes of stuff that I don't want to use right now because I want to keep the room minimal clutter, but I have a mental list of everything still in the garage and it's mostly artwork that we just don't have wall space for now, papergoods, little toys and other collections, and books. I can't fit everything meant for an apartment or small house into one room, so some hard decisions were made. ( we just moved in our couch into the room, which is kind of crazy, but it fit, you'll see it soon)

But my jewelry, it's now all sitting on top of my dresser. Everything I wear either belonged to my mom or nana from their days of collecting and hunting for treasures, or was given to me by J. When people ask to open my locket or admire a set of fire opals, there's always a story to tell. Maybe I'm not as dainty as jewelry was meant for because I've shattered turquoise and jade, lost stones from rings, and that gold carp is missing a ruby eye and a scale is dangling. I have many single earrings that need to be turned into necklaces or rings or something other than a sad lone beauty. One day, maybe when I'm a little more refined, or ready to tell my mom about these tragedies I'll invest in making visits to a jeweler, but I'm not ready to take it my mom's guy and show him how bad the breaks are. I'm afraid he won't be able to fix them, and then my guilt will only become worse. She loved these things so much that I feel like I'm being a bad inheritor, I'm disappointing her, but if anyone knew it well, she understood and accepted my imperfections. I was always losing or breaking things when I was little, and as grown up as I'll become, I don't think that's going to change.

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