a work of love

Emilie came over on Wednesday and cooked us up a beautiful fresh feast in an acorn squash.

The cuties aren't as sweet, but it's still nice to have these to eat when it's so cold.

Everyone seemed really excited about the new year. I enjoyed reading and hearing lots of positivity, because I need it to keep me going, to keep on keeping on. The panic attacks I had during the first of the year really shook up everything that I ever believed was me or normal about life. Those first days didn't even feel like recovery, I was still way deep into a painful and confused dark dark scary place. Each day was a baby step: Jessica forced me to take a little walk outside, then I went to the doctor, then we went to the grocery store, then I went to meet with my boss, then I started working from home, then I did a lot of work in the Life Organizer, then I walked around the city with Silvia and Danit, and today I went back to work in the office. And in between I meditated like crazy, which sounds like an oxymoron, but my itunes count of the meditation cd is astoundingly high.

I feel like I'm back. Each and every moment is a new challenge like being alone when Jorge has work or needing to take the bus again and going back into the classroom, sitting for a meal at a restaurant, but I've faced all the hard things so far, and I'm learning alot about slowing down and using my energy to focus on the present. Jessica and Jorge helped me through the worst, and my family and friends are continuing to give great advice and understanding. One of the most important things I learned and need to continue to practice is to reach out for help and ask for things when I need it. I kept too much inside, so be ready for a lot more here too.