Sunday, May 15

Letting go

I have a confession. For the first time since I moved back home I had, although brief and not at all realistic, a thought to move back to San Francisco. I wasn't in the best of moods, I'm missing friends and it had alot to do with things I don't mention here on the internets. What if I moved back to do X for a year? Then the next day was gloomy and I spent it mostly alone ( by choice), but it was a timely chance for me to remember why that city just wasn't good for me anymore.

Then later on at dinner Jessica said it best, I need to let go of San Francisco. I thought I just needed to visit more. But how can I do both? I'll try to fight to get my way, but I think I need to do some serious shedding. It will almost be a year since I moved, which really does blow my mind. Now after three big moves under my belt I should know that the first year is always the hardest, the most unsettling, I never felt myself in that first year, but I learned a hell of a lot.

But this skyline, looking out this window from the classroom I taught out of with a couch and tent, large mahogany bookshelves and journalism lessons, Giants Magazine issues ( with a page in each one written by the students), books we made together ( at a school that's listed as one of the worst in the city, a school that I love)-this I'll never forget.


Silvia said...

It's ok. I used to think about moving back to Baltimore all the time. I still do sometimes.

mari said...

it's kind of like torture, having those thoughts.